here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
