and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
