dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
