Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
