This is not my ceiling
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
