I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
