There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
