It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
She's not a foreskin expert like you
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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