I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
she told me i tasted like america
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I have surprise drugs for everyone
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
