That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
