did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
