there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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