I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
