He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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