Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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