It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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