it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
