So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
