that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
