Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
3 2 1 whiskey
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
