Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
