i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
