I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
