i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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