is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
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