They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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