I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
