I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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