Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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