I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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