Can i not drive my cunt home
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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