So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
