I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I feel like abortions should bother me more
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
