Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
