I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
