You're so nebulous sometimes
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
