Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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