you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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