I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
