So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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