I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
