If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
