I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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