a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
