shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
