whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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