I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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