I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
