After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
