dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
