What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
