laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
