I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
