I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
