TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
